


Puppy Tails - Come Dine with me

by Aurora_bee



Series: Puppy tails [71]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Competition, Cooking, Dress Up, Food, Gen, Humor, Jellied eels, Kissing, M/M, Puppies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-10-04
Packaged: 2017-11-14 03:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_bee/pseuds/Aurora_bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock, John, Greg, Mycroft and Mrs Hudson do 'Come Dine with me' for Charity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John

“Sherlock you’re doing it!” John shouted at his flatmate.

“I don’t want to.” Sherlock kicked the coffee table in frustration.

“Don’t be so bloody childish it’s for charity.” John looked through the old recipe book his mother gave him. “You can cook I know you can. You’ve seen Come Dine With Me on the telly.”

“So I have to cook 3 courses, you, Mycroft, Lestrade and Mrs Hudson judge it and the person with the most points at the end gets the money.” Sherlock said pouting.

“And gives it to the charity of his or her choice.” John smiled. “We’ve raised £500 so far.”

“As long as I can go last.” Sherlock smiled deviously.

 

Monday

John had decided to go first. He looked at his menu, hopefully he had a chance. An added incentive meant he could also get some veggies into his boyfriend. He looked down at the menu he’d printed out.

**Starter**

Spicy Sweet Potatoe Wedges and a Selection of Dips

**Main**

Vegetarian Chilli Con Carnie

Basmati Rice with Lime

Tortilla Chips and Salsa

**Dessert**

Caramel Flan and Fresh Strawberries

John sent Sherlock out to Bart’s for the day so he could concentrate on preparation. His guests were due to arrive at 7pm. He had plenty of time. This was going to be fun he thought as Gladstone wagged his tail. 

He’d cleaned the fridge the previous day, so it was actually hygienic for a change. The flan sat on the middle shelf ready to be served, prepared 24 hours in advance while Sherlock was sulking because it wasn’t tiramisu. The fresh veg he had bought remained untouched in the veg rack. Sherlock had avoided the fridge as if it was holding a miniature version of Mycroft within.

John peeled and sliced the vegetables, giving Gladstone the odd bit of carrot when he’s whined. Popped them in a pot and covered them in water and let them soften. He poured himself a well deserved glass of red wine and took a sip. Adding spices and a touch of Tabasco he felt happy with his concoction. Things were going very well, almost too well. 

He started to make the fresh dips his first the salsa. When he opened the cupboard he realised he had made a fatal error. There was nothing to put it in…

 

At least Argos wasn’t packed at this time of day he thought to himself. John frowned as he flicked through the catalogue and discovered that they didn’t do a dinner service for five. He ordered two, some were bound to get smashed in a flat where Sherlock Holmes lived anyway. 

John grumbled as he dragged the dinner sets out of the shop. Of course he had to choose stoneware which weighted a bloody ton. Five minutes later as he got into a taxi he was reminded of the days when he could carry a 10kg backpack on his back in the army. Those days were long gone now. He slammed the taxi door shut.

 

Molly giggled as she held the camera.

“So that went well then John. The Tequila slammers and Mexican cocktails went down a treat. How do you feel it went?” Molly asked a swaying John.

“Waz good. Waz funny when Greg had to carry Mrs Hudzon downstairz. Gross when Mycroft pinched Gregz ass though. I fink they liked the food. In’t Sherlock great, he haz a much better ass than hiz brufer.” Molly smiled.

“I think you should probably go to bed now John.” John grabbed Molly’s arm.

“No stay dur partyz just startin.”

 

“So Mrs Hudson, how would you rate this evening?” Molly asked a rather green looking Mrs Hudson.

“It was a little bit spicy for me, but the dessert was wonderful. John’s such a lovely boy, I’ll give him seven out of ten. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to throw up.” Mrs Hudson made a dash to the toilet.

“Uhm.. Can I help?” Molly called through the door.

 

“Right then Sherlock how would you rate this evening?” Molly asked. Sherlock seemed rather agitated by the fact John was alone in the bedroom.

“John’s a very talented cook. I’m giving him ten out of ten. Everything was perfect and John looked very handsome in his apron.”

“Oh yes, ‘Kiss the Cook’, not absolutely sure he appreciated it when he was serving though. I did think you were going to punch me when I tried it.” Molly laughed.

“Don’t try it again…” Sherlock replied through his teeth.

 

“Mr Holmes, how would you rate tonight’s meal?” Molly asked quietly as Mycroft held his head. Mycroft groaned. Greg stood in the hall pretending not to be listening.

“Why are you shouting?” Mycroft whispered Molly bit her lip. “I think it deserves eight out of ten. The food was well prepared, presentation was acceptable. The liquid refreshment was more than adequate.” Mycroft groaned again. “However I think I may have over indulged and should take my leave now.” Greg grabbed Mycroft’s arm and helped him down the stairs.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” Greg yelled to Molly.

 

“So what did you think then Greg?” Molly asked.

“Delicious!” He said grinning from ear to ear. “I love hot and spicy food. It’s great not to have to cook for myself for a change. Beans on toast every night does not make a happy digestive system.” Lestrade replied. There was a moan from Sherlock and John’s bedroom. Molly’s eyes shot open and she blushed.

“They’re not..” Her hand flew to her mouth.

“Oh for god sake! This is what happens when people don’t have proper jobs. I had one glass of wine!” Lestrade rubbed his temples. “I give John nine out of ten.” Lestrade looked into the camera. “It would have been ten but I’m deducting a point because I don’t really want to listen to you rogering Sherlock.” Lestrade grabbed his coat. “Come on Molly I’ll give you a lift home.”

 

Molly sat in the passenger seat in Greg’s car and turned the camera around to face herself.

“The first night, and John scored an impressive thirty four out of forty. Well done John, and thanks for doing some extra for the camera woman! Tomorrow it’s Mrs Hudson’s turn. Hopefully the electrolytes and paracetamol I gave her will make her feel a bit better.”

TBC……


	2. Mrs Hudson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs Hudson cooks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd and I'm a bit tired. So sorry for the mistakes.

Mrs Hudson looked down at her Menu, She’d had it made up especially at the local printers. Thick cream card with lavish gold continental script writing. She smiled as she read it out loud.

**Starter**

Prawn Cocktail with buttered brown bread

**Main**

Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding with Roast Potatoes and a selection of Vegetables

**Dessert**

Mrs Hudson’s Sherry Trifle

A simple but tasty menu Mrs Hudson thought to herself. John’s meal the previous evening had been lovely but a traditional home cooked meal was something everyone liked. 

Starters and dessert were prepared ready and in the fridge. A nice piece of topside of beef was slowly roasting in the oven along with the potatoes. Mrs Hudson got out her fresh linen table cloth and laid it down smoothing the crinkles out gently with her fingers. Finally she laid gold and cream table runner over the top. It was beautiful and matched perfectly with the menu’s, and serviettes. If everything went to plan the meal would be right on time. Mrs Hudson opened her Welsh dresser and carefully took out her best china. If there was ever an occasion to use it, it was now. 

 

The first to arrive was Molly, Mrs Hudson smiled and poured her a glass of win. Being the camera ladyshe was in for a long night. Next to arrive were Mycroft and Lestrade together with a bottle of red wine and a white dessert wine. Mrs Hudson rose her eyebrows at the pair. Inspector Lestrade didn’t seem the type. She kissed them and welcomed them into her flat. Last but not least were John and Sherlock with Gladstone arguing about body parts in the fridge. John presented Mrs Hudson with a large bouquet of flowers, her favourites Iris’. She sniffed a tear coming to her eye. She hugged her boys one arm around each.

 

“Stop playing with your food Sherlock.” John snapped as Sherlock moved his prawns clockwise around the plate.

“Don’t you like prawns dear?” Mrs Hudson asked a worried look on her face.

“No I like prawns, this really is good Mrs Hudson. I’m afraid I ate too much yesterday. I’m not used to it.” Mrs Hudson frowned. 

“You really should eat more Sherlock, you’re just skin and bones.” Mrs Hudson reached over from where she sat and patted his hand. Lestrade mopped up the remains of his Marie Rose sauce with his bread and butter and smiled.

“If you can’t finish it Sherlock, I’ll have it. This is really good Mrs Hudson!” Lestrade said hopefully. Sherlock passed his plate to Lestrade as John gave him a annoyed look. Mycroft watched happily as Lestrade stuck into his second helping of Prawn cocktail.

“Before we continue, I would like to apologise for my behaviour last night. I’m afraid I got a little drunk.” Mycroft said cringing remembering the tequila slammers. 

“That’s alright dear, I felt a little under the weather myself.” Mrs Hudson replied.

 

Sherlock’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw the size of the dinner Mrs Hudson had dished up for him. Once her back was turned he leaned over to John.

“John I don’t think I can eat all that.” Sherlock whispered. John turned his head.

“Eat as much as you can Sherlock.” He whispered back.

“You don’t understand.” Sherlock said agitated. “I don’t want her to think I don’t like it. I love Mrs Hudson’s cooking. I just can’t, I’m afraid I’ll be sick.” Sherlock gave John his best puppy dog look.

“Fine, when she’s not looking put some on my plate.” John replied exasperated, Sherlock let out a breath.

Finally everyone was sat with their dinners on the table in front of them, John and Lestrade were drooling with anticipation. Piles of vegetables beef, Yorkshire pudding and roast potatoes' smothered in a luscious thick dark gravy.

“Tuck in!” Mrs Hudson said with gusto. Molly smiled from the sofa, her dinner on a tray on her lap.

“So.” Sherlock said looking at Mycroft. “There’s no cake. You must be sooo disappointed. Ooofff.” John kicked him under the table, whilst shoving an entire roast potato in his mouth.

“Sherlock!” John mumbled around the potato. Sherlock rubbed his shin, carefully dropping a piece of beef he’d palmed for Gladstone at the same time. Thank goodness for hungry puppies he thought to himself, as Gladstone gobbled up the beef. John finished the potato.

"You're going to be all beefy doing that." He whispered.

"From the way you're devouring it, that could be a good thing." Sherlock smiled. John put a piece of beef in his mouth and hummed around it savouring the taste. 

Mrs Hudson as the hostess busied herself filling up everyone's glasses with wine, chatting and making sure everyone had what they wanted. Sherlock plonked a roast potato on John's plate splashing him with gravy. Mrs Hudson turned to look.

"Oh dear let me a cloth." She said dashing to the kitchen. 

"Sorry Mrs Hudson misjudged there." John shouted as he gave Sherlock the evil eye. Sherlock ignored it and piled more food onto John's plate. John kicked out under the table.

"Owe!" Lestrade cried rubbing his shin.

"Sorry mate, was aiming for my idiot boyfriend." John said as Sherlock grinned widely.

******

Thirty minutes later after finishing their main course Mrs Hudson's Sherry trifle was put in front of them. John groaned quietly. Even lifting the spoon now was an effort he was just so full. He looked around him, everyone except Sherlock looked exhausted through over consumption. Oddly Sherlock was tucking into his trifle with a renewed passion. He'd finished before John was even half way through. John looked over at Mycroft who also seemed to be having trouble.

"Sherlock likes trifle." Mycroft stated. "What a despicable web he weaves." John looked at Sherlock who was eyeing his bowl.

"You bloody tricked me. You made me eat all that food because you knew I wouldn't be able to finish my trifle." John whispered as quietly as he could. 

"I may have done. But you wouldn't want to waste it would you." Sherlock replied smirking. The moment Mrs Hudson's back was turned they swapped bowls.

"You're going to pay for this Sherlock." John said through gritted teeth.

"Really?" Sherlock said licking his spoon. Mrs Hudson poured some more wine into John's glass.

"So why is this called Mrs Hudson's Sherry trifle?" John asked curious.

"Well dear, the secret is, there's no Sherry in it. I used Marsala. It's like a fruity Tiramisu." She said smiling at Sherlock. "Sherlock suggested it."

"I see." John replied staring at Sherlock. 

"Now I see every one has finished, I thought we could play some board games. How about Cluedo?"

"Oh god nooooo!" John yelled his hands flying to his temples.

******

Molly fluttered her eyelashes, flicked her hair and licked her lips.

"So Sherlock, what did you think considering you mainly ate the trifle?" 

"I think on the trifle alone I should give Mrs Hudson ten out of ten." Sherlock ran his finger around the bowl he was eating from and licked it. Molly paused watching his tongue dart out.

"You, you weren't influenced by the fact Mrs Hudson gave you what was left of the trifle?" She said suddenly feeling very warm.

"No of course not." Sherlock replied winking at her.

*****

"Greg what did you think of the meal?"

"Bloody amazing, I wonder if Mrs Hudson would marry me if I asked." Lestrade said his eyes glazing over.

"You can't have her she'd my housekeeper." Sherlock shouted.

"I'm your landlady, not your housekeeper. Oh and I would Inspector Lestrade!" They could hear Mrs Hudson reply. Molly giggled and tried to hold the camera still.

"So score out of ten then Greg?" She asked.

"Eight, would have given her ten but there was too much!"

******

"Mr Holmes, how would you rate tonight's meal?" Molly asked as Mycroft rubbed his stomach.

"Seven out of ten, I'm not a big fan of prawn cocktail. The board games afterwards were interesting. But the company." Mycroft nodded his head in the direction of Sherlock. "Was irritating." Molly managed to suppress a giggle.

*****

"John, John. You have to wakeup I need to interview you." Molly said shaking John's shoulder.

"Oh god my stomach hurts." He opened his eyes to find himself on the sofa in front of Mrs Hudson's telly.

"Score?" Molly said quietly.

"Oh an eight, very good, lots of it. But I've gone off board games for some reason." John managed a small smile. "Do you know where Sherlock is? I might need a hand getting up the stairs." 

*****

Molly stood in the hallway the camera turned on herself. 

"So a pretty good night had by all. Lots of food, really great food. Thanks Mrs Hudson I don't think I'll need to eat for a week. Oh and Sherlock ate my trifle too. Oh yes the score. Mrs Hudson scores 33 and puts her into second place behind John. 'Ring of fire John' by the way how much chilli did you put in that. Oh and I've decided there's going to be a prize for everyone because taking part is important too. I don't want anyone to feel left out, so everyone's going to get a little something." Molly snapped the camera shut as she watched Sherlock pull a groaning John up the stairs.

"Just leave me to die Sherlock." John moaned.


	3. Lestrade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg cooks up a storm, with a 70's theme.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" John said looking down at Lestrade's menu. He held it up for Sherlock to see.

"I'll have to dig my platforms out." Sherlock replied nonchalantly. "You'll be able to wear your brown corduroy suit."

"Oi, I like that suit! And it's not that old." John argued fondly remembering his suit.

"I didn't say I disliked your suit. In fact I like it a lot. Especially when I get to take it off. Sherlock winked. John could feel a blush coming on.

"I could put it on now if you want..." John suggested. The menu floated down onto the floor as Sherlock swooped John up in his arms. Gladstone looked down at the piece of paper.

**Glam Rock Night** \- please come in appropriate attire.

**Starter**

Jellied Eels

**Main**

Bangers and Mash with Onion Gravy

**Dessert**

Spotted Dick and Custard

*****

It was as if time stood still. John, Sherlock, Mycroft and Molly watched as Lestrade opened the front door and Mrs Hudson entered. No pensioner should look that good in white Lycra. Lestrade stood still in shock and cleared his throat.

“So who have you come as Mrs Hudson?” Lestrade asked his eyes almost popping out of his head. Mrs Hudson flicked her blonde wig out of her eyes.

“That blonde one from ABBA. I always liked ABBA.” Mrs Hudson smiled. Mycroft cleared his throat and stood.

“May I say you look wonderful Mrs Hudson.” Mycroft took her hand and lead her to a chair.

“Thank you my dear.” She replied sitting down. “Has anyone else come as someone?”

“I think Sherlock’s come as David Essex.” John piped up looking at Sherlock’s long elegant legs in his white one piece, there was no space to hide anything in that outfit. It was unlikely Sherlock was going to be wearing it for long when they got home John thought to himself.

“John’s come as an open University Geography teacher.” Sherlock sniped. 

“Oi!” John shouted annoyed. Mycroft interjected.

“Inspector Lestrade is dressed like Noddy Holder if anyone has noticed. A rather good effort if you ask me.” Lestrade smiled and blushed slightly at the compliment.

“And what did you come as.” Sherlock said, John winced in apprehension. “Now lets see you have a brown three piece suit and platforms. Could you be a seventies ginger bread man?”

“Sherlock!” John snapped. “Can’t you just leave it alone for one night?” Sherlock rolled his eyes.

“It’s just playful banter.” Sherlock moaned as Mycroft mouthed what looked like ‘asshole’. “Can anybody guess who Gladstone's come as?” Everyone looked down at the puppy that was chewing a piece of silver cardboard attached to him with a piece of string. He looked up at them and wagged his tail happily.

“A TV dinner?” Lestrade asked as he turned on the stereo. Slade - Come on Feel the Noise blasted out of the speakers. Mrs Hudson looked a little more closely at Gladstone.

“There are numbers written on the cardboard.” Molly squeed from her seat in the corner. “Can I guess?”

“Of course you can.” John smiled.

“He’s K9!” She blurted out. John smiled and turned to Sherlock.

“I told you someone would know.” Sherlock huffed with irritation.

*****

“Jellied Eels.” Sherlock said holding a forkful in front of his face.

“I know it’s an acquired taste, but it’s a London thing, and everyone should try it once.” Lestrade said taking a spoonful himself smiling happily. John put a spoonful in his mouth and forced himself to swallow. It slithered down his throat and he did his best to try and not retch.

“Mmm..” John mumbled watching Mrs Hudson and Mycroft tuck in without hesitation. Sherlock stuck his tongue out and licked what was on the spoon. He lifted an eyebrow in surprise. It wasn’t actually that bad. John touched Sherlock’s hand as Sherlock ate the Jellied Eels.

“Ok.” Sherlock whispered. “When he’s not looking swap bowls.” John sighed with relief. “But I expect something in return.”

“Like what?” John whispered.

“Meet you in the bathroom after desert.” John rolled his eyes, this was not going to be an easy night.

*****

The main course looked amazing, bangers and mash and a huge gravy boat of the most incredible onion gravy they’d ever smelt.

“It’s my favourite Mycroft said pouring gravy all over his sausages.” Mycroft looked radiantly happy, and in response Lestrade seemed to be glowing.

“Stodge.” Sherlock said and John pinched his leg under the table. “Oweee! I meant it in a complementary way! Food that is particularly filling.” John eyed Sherlock not quite sure if he believed him.

“Well this is absolutely lovely Inspector Lestrade.” Mrs Hudson said as she poured gravy over her mash. She took a bite. “Oh this is perfect, so buttery!” Lestrade smiled happily as the gravy boat made its way around the table and the food disappeared.

*****

Mycroft followed Lestrade into the kitchen, to help with dessert.

"That was wonderful Greg." Mycroft said walking behind Lestrade. 

"Thank you." Lestrade replied stirring his custard. Mycroft kissed his neck, and he shuddered.

"Ewe!" Sherlock said from the doorway, before turning around and making a beeline for John. He flopped down on the sofa next to John and pulled him into a hug. "I think I may be psychologically scared for life." John lifted an eyebrow. "I'll tell you later." Sherlock whispered his breath hot on John's neck.

"Dessert is served!" Lestrade said with a flourish laying out the dishes on the table.

*****

"Ok, we're in the bathroom. What do you want to do now." John asked. Sherlock unzipped his one piece. "Oh my god, you're not wearing pants are you!" Sherlock slipped John's hand into his suit.

"What do you think?" Sherlock whispered against John's neck.

"No, no we can't do this hear. People are in the next room." Sherlock grabbed a towel and held it out.

"You'd better be quiet then." Sherlock dropped to his knees in front of John and unzipped his flies. John shoved the towel into his mouth.

*****

"They've been in there a long time." Mrs Hudson said wringing her hands with worry.

"I hope it wasn't the Jellied Eels." Lestrade said staring at the door. "I don't think John enjoyed them." Mycroft frowned.

"I don't think it was the Jellied Eels Greg." Mycroft interjected. "Remember he has Sherlock in there with him.

"Oh." Lestrade in realisation. A flushed John and Sherlock emerged seconds later.

"Alright?" John said blushing more than he was already.

*****

Molly stood in the small hallway of Lestrade's flat waiting to do the interviews. John came out first an agitated Sherlock pushing through behind him.

"You're supposed to do this one at a time." Molly scolded. 

"That's a lovely blouse you're wearing this evening." Sherlock smiled. John rolled his eyes.

"Ok." Molly said unable to resist. "I do know what you're doing Sherlock. But unfortunately it has a funny effect on me. So scores. John?"

"Seven out of ten. Sorry Greg Jellied Eels are not for me always good to try something new though. I also hate Slade with a passion. Bangers and Mash were flipping amazing though you'll have to tell me how you mad the gravy!" Sherlock pushed John out of the way and faced the camera.

"Sorry in a rush, have to get John home and this one piece doesn't leave much to the imagination." Molly looked down at Sherlock's crotch and her mouth fell open.

"Eyes up here Molly." John said as Sherlock smirked. Molly closed her eyes and turned scarlet.

"I am so sorry." She said shaking with embarrassment.

"Anyway." Sherlock continued. "Eight out of ten because there weren't enough sausages and Gladstone is sulking." Sherlock swept John out of the front door.

"Bye!" Molly shouted after them.

*****

"Mrs Hudson what did you think." Molly asked fanning herself with a newspaper.

"Oooo I haven't had Jellied Eels for years, it was lovely. Just like the stalls by the Thames during the war. The sausage, mash and gravy were lovely, but I'm not keen on onions. The spotted dick was good. It was fun getting dressed up too. So I'll give Inspector Lestrade an eight." Mrs Hudson smiled. 

"Would you like a lift home Mrs Hudson. Sherlock and John seemed in a bit of a hurry and left." Molly offered.

"That would be lovely." Mrs Hudson replied.

*****

Mycroft stepped out of the living room into the hall.

"Dr Hooper." 

"Mr Holmes." Molly giggled. "So how would you rate tonight's meal."

"Ten out of ten. Everything was perfect, and not even Sherlock could spoil the ambiance. Need I say more." Mycroft turned around and walked back into the living room. Mrs Hudson appeared a moment later.

"I think we'd better go dear, they have washing up to do." Mrs Hudson said taking Molly by the arm.

*****

Molly sat in her flat in her pyjamas' and dressing gown, Pinkie and Perkie her kittens curled up in her lap. She held the camera up pointed at herself.

"So tonight was err interesting. First thanks for the dinner Greg, sorry I was sick when I tried the Jellied Eels, they tasted nice though the texture just got me. Well Greg scored thirty three putting him in second place with Mrs Hudson. Which means John's still in the lead. Whoah go John." Molly put the camera down and ran her hands over her kittens.

"You know I think I might be missing something with Greg and Mycroft."


	4. Mycroft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mycroft actualy cooks!

John spayed some whipped cream on his naked chest.

"So." He said feeling the tingle from Sherlock's tongue gently lapping at his nipples. "What is Mycroft serving tonight." Sherlock looked up a spot of cream adorning his nose.

"Palourdes de Cedar Key, Filet Mignon de Boeuf, Profiteroles au Chocolat et Assiette de Fromages." Sherlock replied.

"Oh..." John said, he'd actually wanted the translation But hearing the brunet speak in French in his deep baritone voice made him quiver. He pushed Sherlock's head back down. "Keep licking!"

 

"So are you actually going to tell me what this menu says in English?" John asked shaking his coat to dry it. As they stood waiting for the lift to Mycroft's penthouse apartment.

"He's so pretentious." Sherlock replied as they stepped into the lift. He looked at the menu in his hand. 

**Aperitif**

Palourdes de Cedar Key cuit à la vapeur avec Vermouth Blanc Sec, Echalotes, Tomates et Bacon

**Entree**

Filet Mignon de Boeuf avec au Poivre et Cognac Crème. Rôti purée de Pommes de Terre et Asperges Grillées.

**Dessert**

Profiteroles au Chocolat et Assiette de Fromages

"For a starter we're having baby clams steamed in Vermouth with shallots tomatoes and bacon. For the main course we're having steak with brandy sauce mashed potato and asparagus. For dessert we are having chocolate profiteroles and a cheese board. The only thing I really like the look of is the dessert, I'm sure he does this to spite me." Sherlock spat out.

"I'm sure he hasn't. It sounds really good and I love a cheese board." John said as the lift pinged. Sherlock smiled.

"Mycroft does make amazing profiteroles, he trained as a pastry chef for a year you know. Of course he was a lot fatter then."

The doors opened and they stopped out. Mycroft's apartment was very elegant decorated primarily in the Victorian style John associated with him. A large table was tastefully decorated with seasonal flower and ice sculptures in front of them as they walked into the dining room. Gladstone wagged his tail looking at them. He'd always loved licking ice.

“Welcome.” Mycroft said summoning his assistant to take their coats. John raised an eyebrow.

“Are you cooking yourself?” John asked suspiciously. Mycroft gave him a rare smile.

“Of course. I do actually know how to cook, unlike other members of my family.” Mycroft looked at Sherlock. “I am so looking forward to your meal brother.” John held up a hand.

“Come on now, this is for charity and all you two do is have a go at each other.” Lestrade appeared from the kitchen a bottle of wine in one hand and a corkscrew in the other. John and Sherlock looked at each other knowingly. “You were already here then Greg.” John smiled;

“First to arrive, just a few minutes ago.” Lestrade replied. Sherlock looked at his trouser cuffs.

“Obviously you’ve been here much longer than that, the bottoms of your trousers are dry, and unless you’ve invented a way to get from your car across the road without getting your trousers wet….” John put his hand over Sherlock’s mouth.

“We had an agreement, no deductions.” John whispered into his ear.

“I don’t remember that.” Sherlock exclaimed his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“Starting now. I’ll do anything you want just don’t embarrass me.” A naughty sparkle appeared in Sherlock’s eyes.

 

“This is really good.” John said cutting into his steak. “I do feel a little tipsy with all the alcohol in the food though.” 

“Most of the alcohol is burned off during cooking. I believe it’s your imagination and the two rather large glasses of red wine.” John smiled he wasn't used to drinking so much wine. Sherlock on the other hand had scraped the brandy sauce off his steak and was dipping asparagus in it. Mycroft looked at Sherlock and sighed. Sherlock grinned and slipped a piece of steak to Gladstone under the table. 

"Owe!" Sherlock whimpered as Gladstone got a bit over enthusiastic and nibbled the top of his finger.

“I think it’s wonderful Mycroft.” Mrs Hudson piped up. Mycroft opened another bottle of wine and poured some into Lestrade’s glass.

“Hoping to get me drink tonight Mycroft?” Lestrade giggled. Sherlock rolled his eyes.

“Does it make you feel a bit strange Sherlock? You know Mycroft and Greg?” John asked innocently, Sherlock leered back. “Okay then, change of topic. What sort of cheese’s are we having?”

“From what I saw in the kitchen earlier, Brie, Camembert, Gorgonzola, Roquefort and a few more I can’t pronounce.” Lestrade said.

“All at room temperature I assume?” Sherlock sneered finishing his main course and putting the knife and fork on the plate.

“Yes dear brother, as they should be.” Mycroft nodded. “Now would you like some extra chocolate sauce on your profiteroles Sherlock?”

“Don’t treat me like I’m five!” Sherlock shrieked.

“Sherlock!” Mrs Hudson shouted. “Mycroft was trying to be nice.” Molly giggled in the corner taping all the commotion. Sherlock cleared his throat and regained his composure.

“Sorry, yes Mycroft I would like some extra chocolate sauce.” 

 

Mycroft’s assistant cleared the table and laid out the cheese board. John’s eyes shone in appreciation as he gazed at all the cheeses. It was worth it all just for this a smorgasbord of exotic cheeses. He carefully sliced into the Brie careful not to cut the nose off.

“Ah….” John moaned taking a bite out of the soft creamy substance. Sherlock stared, John only made that nose usually when they were in bed. 

 

“Sherlock where are we?” John said as he was pushed into a dark room.

“Mycroft’s office.” Sherlock said pulling John’s jacket off.

“No! I’m not doing it again Sherlock.” He pushed Sherlock away. “You’ve developed some weird voyeurism thing. I don’t want to have sex in all of our friends homes.” Sherlock pushed John hard against the wall.

“That has nothing to do with it.” He said breathing hard.

“Jesus Sherlock what’s gotton into you?” He said feeling Sherlock’s teeth scrape his neck, and his hand slip into his trousers. “Oh god no, please don’t, I can’t…”

 

They heard John’s shriek from the living room. Mycroft continued filling the wine glasses up. 

“I do wish they’d stop doing that you know. It’s not polite.” Mrs Hudson said sipping her wine. 

“Mummy could never keep Sherlock under control.” Mycroft interjected. “If he wanted to do something, he did it.”

“I think John started it. The moment he put that cheese in his mouth Sherlock was a goner.” Lestrade smiled.

“Do you think they’re trying to set a record of how many other people’s houses they can have sex in?” Molly said smiling.

“Well they haven’t done it in mine.” Mrs Hudson stated adamantly. Lestrade and Mycroft shared a knowing look. Molly who had just taken a sip of mine spat it out on the carpet laughing.

“Really?” Molly giggled trying to mop up the wine with a napkin. 

Gladstone was stood on the dining table licking the ice sculpture when John appeared looking slightly flushed fiddling with his shirt buttons. He rushed over and picked the puppy up.

“Sorry Sherlock just surprised me.” He said putting Gladstone down. He picked up a full glass of wine and downed the entire contents in one.

“We heard.” Mrs Hudson said.

“Where’s Sherlock?” Mycroft asked confused at the lack of his brothers presence.

“He went that way.” John said pointing down the corridor.

“To the kitchen, damn.” Mycroft said jumping up and heading in the direction of the kitchen.

 

The door of the kitchen swung open to reveal Sherlock licking a chocolate covered wooden spoon. Everybody stood in the doorway frozen, the calm before the storm.

“Where are the rest of the profiteroles Sherlock?” Mycroft asked, euphorical steam coming out of his ears.

“We’ve eaten them all dear brother.” Sherlock replied unaware of the splodge of cream on his top lip.

 

“So what did you think of tonight Inspector Lestrade?” Molly asked ignoring the commotion going on in the kitchen.

“Well I thought it was bloody amazing. I didn’t know food could taste that good. I give Mycroft ten out of ten.” Lestrade smiled. “Now if you’ll excuse me I have to stop Mycroft from killing Sherlock.”

 

Molly stood at the door waiting for someone, anyone to come out. From the noises she was pretty sure someone would be requiring medical attention pretty soon.

“Why don’t you interview me next dearie.” Mrs Hudson said from the sofa. “The boys will be fine. These things have a way of working themselves out.” Molly sat next to Mrs Hudson on the sofa.

“Okay." Molly sighed still worried. "What did you think Mrs Hudson?” Molly asked keeping her eye on the door.

“I give Mycroft an eight, wonderful well cooked food, perfect and I have a soft spot for the profiteroles I ate.” Mrs Hudson laughed and held Molly’s hand. “I think it’s come to a head.”

 

Sherlock stormed out of the kitchen door, streaks of chocolate adorning his face and running down his silk shirt. Molly could hear the sound of snickering coming from the kitchen.

“I give him a five! Come on Gladstone Mrs Hudson we’re going home.” Sherlock pulled his coat on. “John!” John tried not to smirk as he left the kitchen.

“Before you go John, could I get your score?” Molly asked. Sherlock looked at John impatiently.

“I’ll take your shirt to the dry cleaners all right. It’ll come out. I give Mycroft an eight.” John smiled. “Would have been a seven if he hadn’t poured what was left of the chocolate sauce over Sherlock’s head.” He whispered.

“John!” Sherlock shouted from the lift.

 

“Well that was a brilliant meal. I really enjoyed mine. The after dinner argument was so funny and exciting. I wouldn't mind swapping places with John tonight. I'd lick all that chocolate off Sherlock in a blink of an eye.” The taxi she was sat in turned a corner and Molly gripped the door handle.

“Oddly though Mycroft has scored 31 putting him in last place. I wish everyone would get the same, that way everyone could be a winner!” 

“In other news I’ve decided never to invite Sherlock and John to my home. Goodness knows what they’d get up to.”


	5. Sherlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock does dinner.

John looked down at the tatty scrap of paper Sherlock had handed to him. Sherlock sat in the kitchen looking down his microscope at some exotic bacteria.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” John shouted. Sherlock didn’t look up. “Take away of your choice! You’re supposed to cook Sherlock.” Sherlock waved his hand nonchalantly at John.

“Don’t have time.” He mumbled. John flung his coat around his shoulders and picked up Gladstone’s lead. 

“That’s it Sherlock, I am so annoyed at you. We’re going out. We’ll be back for your ‘meal’. But we’re going to be having serious words later and you will be sleeping on the couch!” With that John picked up Gladstone, walked downstairs and slammed the door.

Sherlock looked up from the microscope and grinned, his plan was complete. He quickly put away the experiment and looked down at his real menu.

Hopefully John would like it. Sherlock had been paying attention to John’s likes and his extreme fondness for cheese. To him it didn’t matter if he won the money, his prize was making John happy.

 

John trudged up the stairs with Gladstone. He was not looking forward to Sherlock’s meal. Everybody else had made a real effort cooking. It was typical of Sherlock, and he should have known better. 

Everyone sat around in the living room chatting cheerfully drinking wine when he entered. John let Gladstone off the lead and looked at them suspiciously. They seemed overly happy considering they were having take away for dinner. He sniffed the air, it didn't smell like Chinese or Pizza.

“John.” Sherlock said popping his head out of the kitchen. “You might want to change your clothes now.”

“Why? I thought we were just having take away?” John retorted anger showing in his face. Molly giggled in the corner.

“Have a look at the menu.” Sherlock said quietly, handing John a tailor made menu.

**Starter**

Portobello Mushrooms Stuffed with Goats Cheese, Garlic, Parsley and Mustard.

**Main**

Colcannon and Boiled Bacon

**Dessert**

Holmes made Apple and Cheddar Pie with Cream

Cheese Board 

John’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“I don’t understand, I thought we were having take away. These are all of my favourite things.” John could feel himself trembling. Sherlock still had the ability to surprise him. He shook his head. “Sherlock….” He smiled and kissed his boyfriends cheek his hand lingering on Sherlock's hip.

“You’d better get changed.” Sherlock grinned as John made his way past him and down to the bedroom.

 

“Ok, this is the first time I’ve eaten anything Sherlock has ever cooked aside from toast.” John said cutting his mushroom in half. Everyone looked at their plates with trepidation. Sherlock smiled falsely, John could have sworn he was nervous. John popped the mushroom into his mouth and chewed. “Oh my god.” He moaned. 

“Is it ok?” Sherlock asked as the others froze forks half way to their mouths.

“Sherlock, that is flippin amazing. God you should have been a chef.” Sherlock grinned enjoying the compliment as the others ate their starters. 

 

Sherlock made sure he didn’t give too much colcannon to everyone keeping some back so that John could have the left over’s fried with a bit of bread and butter the next day.

Mrs Hudson was the first to take a mouthful of colcannon. She closed her eyes, enjoying the light fluffy potato, cabbage and leek in her mouth. 

“Sherlock, where did you learn to cook like this?” Mrs Hudson asked a big beaming smile on her face.

“Our cook showed me a few things. But overall it’s pretty simple.” He answered. Lestrade smiled around a mouthful of bacon.

“He would find it easy it’s just like setting up an experiment.” Lestrade said pilling more colcannon onto his fork.

“I’m actually impressed Sherlock.” Mycroft said. “This is delicious!” Sherlock narrowed his eyes and looked at his brother searching for the malice. Mycroft smiled in return. "I am capable of compliments Sherlock."

 

John looked at his slice of warm apple pie dripping with fresh cream. This was going to be a real treat he thought. 

"My nan used to put cheese in the apple pie. I haven't had it for.... must be twenty years." He rested his hand on Sherlock's. "You know if you weren't incredibly intelligent, eerily handsome, and amazing in bed I'd still be in love for you for your cooking." Mycroft rolled his eyes. Mrs Hudson coughed and changed the subject.

"We always called it a Yorkshire Apple Pie." Mrs Hudson said.

"The Holmes family are from Yorkshire aren't they?" Lestrade asked. Mycroft nodded.

"Sherry runs the family estate up there." Mycroft replied. John spluttered.

"I'm dating a Yorkshire man. Who would have thought." Lestrade beamed.

"Who's that Greg?" Molly asked confused. 

 

Finally after the meal was finished they all sat in the living room drinking wine and listening to Sherlock play the violin. John couldn't take his eyes off him, as he swayed gracefully lost in music. John sighed happily it had was a great evening.

"I hate to do this." Molly said. "But I have to be in the morgue at six and it's getting a bit late. Would it be ok if I did the interviews in the kitchen?" Mycroft and Lestrade nodded.

"We should be making a move soon too." Lestrade said pulling Mycroft up from the sofa. Sherlock continued playing turning his gaze to John.

"Uhm... Come on then." Molly said hurrying them into the kitchen. "Mrs Hudson would you mind staying in the living room they can't get up to anything with you here.

 

"Bearing in mind that I thought this evening was going to be a complete disaster, and knowing Sherlock gave me a five I'm going to give Sherlock nine out of ten." Mycroft said. Molly's mouth hung open in surprise. "I am the older brother, and I appreciate the effort he made for John. It was also a rather excellent meal."

"Uhm ok, not sure I would have given him that if I were you after last night." Molly said. "So Greg what do you think?"

"Definitely a nine. I'm just so shocked Sherlock can actually cook, and cook well at that!" Lestrade said. Molly pushed them out of the doors.

"You two sit on the sofa. I have to give out the prizes." Mycroft raised an eyebrow as Mrs Hudson made her way into the kitchen.

"Prizes?" Mycroft said.

 

"Mrs Hudson, your score?" Molly said, quickly not sure how long John and Sherlock were going to be able to keep their hands off each other.

"Nine dear, it was such a lovely meal absolutely perfect! Sherlock is such a lovely boy deep down. Everything he did for John was so special." Mrs Hudson said absentmindedly clearing the table.

"Brilliant! Just John to go then!" She said dashing into the living room. "John. John." Molly said waving her hand in front of him to distract him. "Score?"

"Ten." He said in a trance.

"Brilliant. That makes Sherlock the winner with thirty seven out of forty!" Molly said as she put the envelope of money on the table. "What charity have you chosen Sherlock?"

"Support our soldiers." Sherlock said, John smiled. Without their charity work and care packages it would have been much harder for him in Afghanistan. Molly rushed ahead, knowing that the distance between Sherlock and John couldn't last much longer.

"John came second with Thirty four, Mrs Hudson and Greg came in joint third with thirty three each and Mycroft came in fourth with thirty one. Anyway you're all winners. Here's a gift from me." Molly handed each of them a first aid manual. "Always comes in handy." She said pulling on her coat. "Especially with Sherlock around."

 

John pulled away from Sherlock's hungry lips, and took a breath. He was drowning in Sherlock and loving every minute. Sherlock's violin lay on his chair. John wasn't quite sure when they'd started kissing, but at least everyone had gone.

"You were brilliant Sherlock." He said pride dripping from every pore. "Do you have any more surprises for me tonight?"

"Only one." Sherlock said looking at the sink full of dirty dishes.

"Fine." John said the corner of his mouth turning up. "I'll do them in the morning. "Now Chef I want to take you to bed and make love to you." He pulled Sherlock up from the sofa. "I do love you Mr Holmes."


End file.
